Running From Something?

It has occurred to me that I may be spending a lot of my time running from myself. I look in the mirror, draw back my now dark hair, and stare intently at my mom-eyes. The workout gear is old and stained most days, but I throw it on anyway. I put foot to path, do my stretches like I have been warned by others..you are getting older, you don't want to injure yourself. It's not the same as it once was, Candice. Ugh. I run from my age. The first mile hurts the most. In that time it crosses my mind to stop about thirteen times. This was much more of an issue in the beginning, but now, I don't want to let my running app down, so I drive forward. I choose music that I fear I will one day be "too old" to listen to and my children will soon frown when I start to play it in the living room. I am definitely running from my age. Age wasn't a factor ten years ago when I lost the weight. I just passed my tenth anniversary of the 55 pounds and I built my goals to reflect the stamina I had to have in those early days when I decided to change my path. I remember my eagerness and my determination to see my redefined figure staring back at me, approving and beautiful. And thin. My goals have nothing to do with my waist anymore. They have been designed to construct health from the inside out; teach my children what good decisions look like. And push myself to the point of breaking so I know I am still trying. I am running from death in so many ways. With cancer and Alzheimer's disease in my parents, I know I can't change genetics, but I can run with the body I have now. And if I have to one day face those demons, maybe my body will be ready. 2013 Goals (these are framed on my desk at work): -Drink 40 ounces of water every day (even on weekends!) -Exercise with the girls at home or at the Y two days each week -Prepare two vegetarian meals each week -Run 650 miles in 2013 -Complete the half-marathon in April -Complete the Health Champion level of the employee wellness program at work None of these have to do with people envying me or my ability to wear a bikini before I get laughed at because I am, once again, "too old for that." My health goals are for longevity and to set an unwavering example for my children who inevitably mirror ever little action I take. I would rather Noel lace up her running shoes and run with me than sit on a couch all day. In the end, I want to know I took care of the body I have been lucky enough to inhabit. Running forces air in and out of my lungs and frees my mind so I can reach for more. I really am running for my life.